Trans Day of Remembrance: What We Choose to Remember

Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR), coming up on Nov. 20, is a day set aside to honour the lives of trans people who are no longer with us. Many were lost to targeted violence. Many were lost to rejection, neglect, or isolation. And far too many, especially trans women of colour, were killed because the world around them refused to recognise their humanity.We cannot speak about this day honestly without naming that reality.

Some were also lost to the quiet, unbearable weight of hiding who they were. The pressure to conceal their identity, to protect others from stigma, or to navigate hostility alone was too much to carry.

This day is not only about remembering lives ended. It is also about remembering what sustains life.

It asks us to recognise that while families cannot control every danger a trans child may face in the world, gender-affirming support at home remains one of the strongest protective factors for trans youth. Children do not need us to understand every detail before we offer our presence. They need our steadiness, our curiosity, our willingness to learn, and our unconditional love. They need us to be the safe place where nothing about them is too much, and nothing about them will cost them our connection.

Many of the names read aloud at Trans Day of Remembrance ceremonies belonged to people who did not have that safety. And while the world still carries deep misconceptions and hostility, the one thing a parent can offer, a constant, dependable sense of home, remains life-supporting.

TDOR is a call to keep our children’s names off that list. Not only by supporting them so they are not lost to despair, but by helping shift the culture itself, by changing the conversations at home, by challenging harmful rhetoric, by sharing our stories, and by showing our kids that their authenticity is something to live for, not something to hide.

We honour those we’ve lost by making sure the trans children and trans adults in our lives feel our support today. By doing the work within ourselves, processing our fears, expanding our understanding, and seeking guidance, we make it possible for our kids to look at us and see something simple and unmistakable:

You are loved. You are safe with me. You belong.

That is how we honour Trans Day of Remembrance.

That is how we change the stories that get remembered.

That is how we keep the next generation alive to tell them.